Nursery to Toddler

The Pregnancy Test $3.95 Ordinarily, I’m a fan of pink–lovely color, does smashing things for the complexion. But not when it’s the bright, glaring stripe staring back at me on the pregnancy test. Then, pink is the color of major oops, of morning sickness, of boyfriends who seemed decent but now are part of some Jerk Witness Protection Program. Still, I’ve got a few things going for me–bitter humor, a divine right to eat till I’m the size of Marlon Brando, and good friends who’ve managed to get me a job interview with one Damien Sharpton: in need of a personal assistant, and some say, a good, swift kick in the arse. If you want to make a lasting impression, by all means, toss your cookies in your future boss’s wastebasket, which is located directly between his excruciatingly sexy legs. Apparently, Mr. Gorgeous-But-Unbearably-Anti-Social must like personal assistants who violate his trash can, because I got the job. And if I can avoid him via text messaging for the next seven months of health insurance, everything will be just fine. Except that he’s just asked–no, insisted–that I go with him on a business trip to the Caribbean. Gulp, Ordinarily, this would be cause for celebration. Ordinarily, I’d shave my legs, pack my bikini, revel in day-glo drinks and my seething lust for Mr. Swarthy-And-Secretive. But there’s nothing ordinary about this situation…which means it could be absolutely extraordinary.

Take a Joke $15.54 Johnny Ryan s transgressive masterpiece Prison Pit has been the talk of alt-comicscircles for the past year since its debut in the summer of 2009. But beforePrison Pit, Ryan garnered a considerable following via his one-man humoranthology (which doubled as a one-man War Against Political Correctness)Angry Youth Comix. Take a Joke collects many of the best stories from this inimitableseries as well as many strips created for the wildly-popular Vice magazine, to which Ryan has contributed for years.Unlike Ryan s previous collections, which focused on very short stories, Takea Joke spotlights several of the artist s longest humor pieces to date, notably: Graveyard Goofs, in which Ryan s hapless antiheroes Sinus O Gynus andLoady McGee exhume the corpse of the recently-deceased Santa Claus as partof a Top Secret experiment, fantasize an orgy with a collection of anthropomorphiccondiment bottles (resulting in an unwanted pregnancy), and end up inHell; Boobs Pooter s Jokepocalypse, starring a coprophiliac version of Godzillawho destroys the world with hilarious jokes and crazy pranks; and The World sFunniest Joke, a 24-page masterpiece that makes The Aristocrats look like a NoraEphron film.All this plus Cheeseburger Chase, Omletta DuPont, and The Day The NewYorker Came to Town

Pregnancy $10.46 Pregnancy

Clearblue Easy Pregnancy Test – Twin Pack $9.99 Pregnancy test with +/- results. Results 5 days sooner. Clearblue Easy can be used as early as 4 days before you expect your period. That’s 5 days sooner than waiting until you miss your period to test. The amount of pregnancy hormone increases rapidly in early pregnancy. In clinical testing with early pregnancy samples, Clearblue Easy gave the following results: 1 Day before the expected period 87% women giving a pregnant result. 2 Days before the expected period 84% women giving a pregnant result. 3 Days before the expected period 74% women giving a pregnant result. 4 Days before the expected period 53% women giving a pregnant result). + = pregnant. – = not pregnant. No test is more accurate. Over 99% accurate (99% accurate at detecting typical pregnancy hormone levels. Note that hormone levels vary. See insert) from the day of your expected period. Changes color to let you know it’s working. Made in China.

Canine Pregnancy Test Kit (5 tests) $125.95 Rapid immunomigration test for detection of the hormone relaxin in canine blood. Can be used at 22 days gestation or after. A small blood sample must be obtained from the dog. 5 tests in each kit. * Early detection of planned or unplanned pregnancy. * Detection of pregnancy before or after abortion treatment. * Early detection of false pregnancy. * Diagnose fetal resorption or spontaneous abortion. * No refrigeration required. About the product: The Witness Relaxin kit is intended to determine pregnancy in the bitch, as well as to distinguish between pseudopregancy and gestation. The kit measures relaxin levels in plasma and serum samples. The presence of significant amounts of this hormone is a reliable indicator of pregancy. Relaxin can be detected in biological samples soon after implantation of the fertilized egg, which occurs about 22-27 days after mating (26-31 days post-LH surge).

Clearblue Easy Digital Pregnancy Test – 2 Count $9.69 The Clearblue Easy Digital Pregnancy Test is over 99% accurate at detecting typical pregnancy hormone levels (note that hormone levels vary – see insert) from the day of your expected period. Clearblue Easy can be used as early as 4 days before you expect your period. That’s 5 days sooner than waiting until you miss your period to test.This package includes 2 test sticks and 1 English/Spanish Insert.1. Take the test: simply hold the stick pointing downwards in your urine stream for 5 seconds only.2. Wait: an hour glass symbol will flash to show you the test is working.3. Read your result: within 3 minutes your result will be displayed in words.Read instructions before use. English and Spanish instructions inside.Store at 36&def;F-86°F. Do not freeze. For in-vitro diagnostic use only (not for internal use).

WITNESS RELAXIN [Canine / Feline Pregnancy Test] $132.22 Relaxin can be detected in biological samples soon after implantation of the fertilized egg, which occurs 20-31 days post-LH surge, or approximately 16-33 days post-mating. ? Early detection of planned or unplanned pregnancy ? Detection of pregnancy befor

online pregnancy test joke

Fake Pregnancy Test $0.82 It’s the home pregnancy test that is always positive! Ladies, now you can find out if you’ve found Mr. Right with this hilarious prank! Will he stick with you if he thinks things will get complicated? This outrageous prank will have your guy sweating! Or sleep with your married boss and watch him squirm (Maybe you’ll get a raise!) The laughs are endless!…

Be Prepared: A Practical Handbook for New Dads $8.47 This wry survival guide helps new dads navigate the triumphs and travails of fatherhood from the first week to the first birthday party. It informs and entertains with an easy-to-read mix of practical basics (feeding, bathing, childproofing, taking your baby’s temperature) and tricks of the trade, like “how to construct an emergency diaper out of a towel, a sock, and duct tape.”…

The Kid: What Happened After My Boyfriend and I Decided to Go Get Pregnant $3.87 Dan Savage’s nationally syndicated sex advice column, “Savage Love,” enrages and excites more than four million people each week. In The Kid, Savage tells a no-holds-barred, high-energy story of an ordinary American couple who wants to have a baby. Except that in this case the couple happens to be Dan and his boyfriend. That fact, in the face of a society enormously uneasy with gay adoption, makes…

Pregnancy & Pudding.

Most Important 5 Supplements? Singapore Personal Trainer Explains Which Ones

Being a personal trainer in Singapore, I know that supplements are something that almost everybody takes some of. However, it can be hard to differentiate the good ones from the money wasters. This article explains the top 5 supplements that will work and that will improve your health and well being immediately.

Supplement #1: Digestive Aids

Nothing works till you fix your digestion. You can take the best organic, nutritious food and the most healthy supplements. But without a healthy digestive system, you are not able to absorb the nutrients found in these great foods. That would waste your precious money and time.Some telltale signs that your digestion is not doing well are brittle fingernails with lots of vertical ridges, smelly farts, bloatedness after eating food and a distaste for meat. Other possible symptoms are acne, very smelly stool (poop), and farting soon after meals.

Because of the bad smells that come out of your body when your digestion is not in good shape, I always joke that a good digestive aid improves your marriage and interpersonal relationships!

The cause of this problem is low stomach acid. And the reason we usually have low stomach acid which usually due to high stress!

You see, our body is designed to handle high stress for short periods. For e.g. a tiger chasing you. Your body goes into fight and flight mode and “unimportant” tasks like digestion shut down so you have more energy and blood flow to your muscles to fight the tiger or to run away!

But nowadays, in our busy and stressful city lives, we have less deadly stresses like project deadlines, exams and nagging bosses! The body responds the same way, by shutting down digestion.

That means less stomach acid is produced and thus the above problems that come with it.

In fact this low stomach acid problem is so common that of all the 123 people I tested this year, only 1 person had normal levels. The rest would all do better with supplementation.

Oh yeah, good levels of stomach acid also kill bacteria and other bad stuff in your digestive track, yet another bonus!:)

When choosing a supplement for digestion, make sure that it should contain Betaine HCl (stomach acid) as well as digestive enzymes like Protease, Amylase, Lipase, Pepsin and Bile Extract.

Supplement #2: Omega-3 Fatty Acids

Did you know that cavemen ate large amounts of animal brains, seafood and organic meats such

that they ate an average of 300-400g of omega-3 fatty acids per week?

In the diet of a person in a developed country, this might be as low as 3g per week.

Here is the problem? you need omega-3 fatty acids to be healthy. Listed here are some of the things it does!

* Helps you burn fat by turning on fat burning enzymes and turning off fat storage ones

* Help you to “prefer” to use fat as fuel for energy

* Improves mood, concentration and brain function

* Helps reduce pimples and improve skin quality

* Reduce blood pressure

* Reduce stress

* Reduce sugar absorption/fat storage

I can’t keep on going because the list would be too long? In fact if you go to online medical research sites like www.pubmed.com (its a collection of medical research) and you search for “fish oil” or “omega 3″ AND “human” so you don’t get animal studies? AND “XYZ” where XYZ is ANY DISEASE YOU CAN THINK OF? fish oil/omega 3s help prevent, cure or reduce the symptoms of it!

It’s hard to believe but I really mean any disease. Obesity, diabetes, hypertension, stroke, acne, arthritis and the list goes on and on.

NOTE: For Pregnant women, it’s even more important because you deplete your omega-3 stores when you form a baby inside you. Supplement heavily with omega-3s before, during and after childbirth to have a smoother pregnancy and a healthier baby!

When looking for omega-3 supplements, try to take those that come from smaller fish such as sardines and anchovies. Smaller fish are lower in the food chain so they don’t have as much toxins in them as large fish.

Supplement #3: A Good Set Of Multivitamins

A good selection of vitamins from a high quality multivitamin helps the body detox, and boosts your immune system function and overall health. However there is such a wide variety of multivitamin supplements out there, and they vary wildly with prices and of course with quality.

The is especially true in Multi-vitamin forumlations.

It is possible to make a multi-vitamin appear very complete (look good on the label) yet very cheap – and of course POOR QUALITY.

Here is how:

* Choose less absorbable ingredients (that look the same on the label?) for example, a quality ingredient like Magnesium Aspartate has a high absorbability of 58%, but a low quality one like Magnesium Oxide ? 5%! more than 11x less? but hey? most consumers can’t tell the difference!

BTW a good multi vitamin blend does not cost 11x more than a lousy one, so its certainly a good idea to go with the best ones!

* Make low quality tablets/capsules by packing them with filler and compressing them so that they have low density of nutrients (yet you can sell huge capsule numbers on the bottle front “640 capsules” and so on!). This has the added advantage that your capsules will never break apart giving an even higher appearance of quality!

* Use Synthetic additives. Natural beta carotene or vitamin E is not the same as synthetic ones because the natural one will be complete in all its forms. The way vitamins are intended to be. The multiple forms help you absorb the vitamin. The synthetic ones only look good on the labels but do nothing for your health.

There we have it, 3 ways to make a lousy multivitamin supplement. So if you see these telltale signs, stay away!

NOTE: Men should choose the Copper and Iron Free versions of any Multi vitamin because excess of those nutrients are not good for men.

Supplement #4: Zinc

Take the following quiz…

* Do you fall sick often (weak immune system)

* Do you have lower than normal testosterone (check your tricep skin fold with a body fat

measuring caliper, it should be 5mm or lower for men)

* Do you have a low sperm count?

* Do you have trouble gaining muscle or recovering from training?

* Do you have low appetite?

* Do you have a “fatty chest” if you are a guy? I.e. Man boobs?

If you have some of these difficulties, chances are you are deficient in zinc. Zinc helps you absorb just about every nutrient and is involved in more than 300 (known) enzyme and hormone functions!

You can use a zinc test solution of zinc sulfate to find out your zinc levels (take 1/8th a cup of zinc sulfate and put it in your mouth for 3-5 seconds) If you can swallow it after that as if it’s water, you have low zinc, if it tastes like metal and you spit it out immediately, you have good zinc levels. Don’t worry this is a totally safe test, it’s just some zinc ions dissolved in water?

Supplement with a good zinc supplement that uses Zinc Orotate and Zinc Aspartate as its ingredients instead of lower quality stuff like zinc oxide.

Supplement #5: Magnesium Take the following quiz…

* Do you have trouble falling asleep?

*Do you have poor sleep quality and feel un-rested when you wake up?

* Do you have high stress or consume large amounts of carbohydrates (these lower magnesium

levels)

* Do you do alot of exercise?

* Do you store fat easily when you eat starchy foods (insulin resistance)?

* Do you have muscle cramps often?

These are signs of magnesium deficiency, it’s very common so don’t feel bad! It’s not your fault. Low stomach acid, high stress and heavy exercise can all contribute to this situation.

When you have good magnesium levels, the main benefit is great sleep quality. This is the first thing I look at and suggest when a client complains of poor sleep quality. Supplement with magnesium aspartate or magnesium citrate for best results.

There we have it, 5 top supplements that are basic yet necessary. Get these in order and watch your health and performance sky rocket!

About the Author

Coach Jonathan Wong is Singapore’s most sought after Personal Trainer and Fitness Expert. Clients come to him to improve their health, fitness and sports performance as fast as possible. Get a free 1500 page e-book and constant newsletter and blog updates at http://www.coachjon.com